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Post by leerummey on May 25, 2011 12:47:03 GMT -5
paddy is driving in to town to do his shopping , as he drives past the bus stop he sees mick '' where are you off to mick?'' '' im going in to town '' he says '' me too'' says paddy '' do you want a lift ? '' mick says '' thanks all the same paddy but i'd better not as i'll miss me bus ''
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Post by leerummey on May 25, 2011 12:49:05 GMT -5
did you hear about the irishman who was ironing his curtains? he fell out of the window
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Post by Mojo on May 31, 2011 9:41:17 GMT -5
paddy is driving in to town to do his shopping , as he drives past the bus stop he sees mick '' where are you off to mick?'' '' im going in to town '' he says '' me too'' says paddy '' do you want a lift ? '' mick says '' thanks all the same paddy but i'd better not as i'll miss me bus '' that cracked me right up
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Post by Mojo on May 31, 2011 17:25:59 GMT -5
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The man places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks, "What if I swallow it?" "No problem, son," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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Post by 469roadking on Jun 1, 2011 12:23:46 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
That one got me.
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Post by leerummey on Jun 1, 2011 12:40:05 GMT -5
this is rubbish but makes me chuckle a horse walks in to a bar and the barman says '' why the long face ? ''
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Post by leerummey on Jun 1, 2011 12:49:33 GMT -5
On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back
'What's in the bag?' asked Paddy 'I'm not going to tell', replied Murphy
'Go on, do.' pleaded Paddy. 'Ah, all right then, it's ducks.' announced Murphy
'If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?' enquired Paddy 'Look', said Murphy, 'If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of them.'
'Five!' said Paddy triumphantly.
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Post by leerummey on Jun 1, 2011 12:53:37 GMT -5
heres one for you RK Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer. "I am!" Jesus shouted. "No, I am!" the devil countered. "I am!" "I am!" "Me!" "No, me!" "EEEEEEENOUGH!" God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness. When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front of them. God said "Now, whoever makes the best computer program in twenty minutes wins." Jesus and the devil both sat down, typing and clicking furiously. This went on for about 15 minutes, but then there was a power failure, and everything went dark. When everything came back up again, the computer screens were both blank. The devil tried in vain to get back everything he had lost. He came up empty-handed. Jesus pressed one key and it all came back. The devil looked at him in astonishment. "No way! How did you do that?!" Jesus turned to him and smiled, and said "Everybody knows Jesus saves."
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Post by 469roadking on Jun 4, 2011 22:42:07 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by leerummey on Jun 5, 2011 1:01:25 GMT -5
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Post by leerummey on Jun 5, 2011 1:07:58 GMT -5
Q: How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.
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Post by leerummey on Jun 5, 2011 1:10:17 GMT -5
Q: How do you know it's a singer at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.
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Post by balashazar on Jun 20, 2011 20:30:45 GMT -5
Ya'll crack me up.
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